Even though the article was posted last May, Frederick McKindra’s Buzzfeed article, “Does Desiring White Guys Make Me a Traitor to My Race?” appeared on my radar through The Counter Narrative Project’s The Counter Point Podcast last week. The title alone elicits an almost unavoidable kneejerk reaction. However, interviewer Charles Stephens – who was interviewing McKindra – asked for listeners, and anyone who came across the article, to actually read the piece before going on an accusatory rant of self-hate towards McKindra. I took Stephens’ advice and seeked out the article after finishing the podcast, hoping the article would clarify some of McKindra’s claims and assertions that, to some degree, weren’t registering with me though the show. After reading McKindra’s piece in full, I have to say that it did put his stance in perspective, while reaffirming some of the qualms I had from the article’s title alone.

In short, I’m on the fence about the article, because while there are several pushbacks to McKindra’s reasonings behind his lust for white men, I can actually see where he’s coming from in certain areas.

Since being a member of Male Media Mind for almost four years now, the subject of interracial dating has come up ad nauseam, or rather the “preference” vs “prejudiced” portion of the timeless topic. Even before my interactions with my M3 counterparts and our audience in general, I’ve always maintained the stance of not caring who you date just as long the relationship wasn’t based on stereotypes from either party. In other words, white men shouldn’t date black men soley based on dick size, the fantasy of calling them any racial epithet they can think of during sex, or because we are generally seen as sexual “beasts” that only are looking to fuck any willing participant at any given moment. In reverse, black men shouldn’t date a white man solely because they feel that white men are easily submissive, aren’t ghetto, and will be readily available for sex whenever the black guy feels like busting a nut (there are more stereotypes than these, but since this is a sexual topic, I’m only gonna focus on these for the moment).

So for me, taking the love is love (without stipulations) stance is one of the sole reasons I fliched when I heard The Counter Point utter the title of McKindra’s article. It screamed everything I argued against on countless M3 Hangouts and podcasts, especially when racism in the gay community is becoming widely apparent now (despite it being known for eons, practically). However instead of an empty, unapologetic rant about why black men are horrible and below their European counterparts based on one bad dating experience, McKindra presented context; layers on top of layers of thought-provoking, context that elevates the article from simple click-bait fare and into a solidified conversation piece. Once you read McKindra’s take on the subject, you can see why Charles Stephens picked it as a topic of discussion.

With all that said, that doesn’t mean I agree with 80-90% of the article.

In the 10% that I totally agree with, McKindra talks about experiencing racial fatigue throughout his life, which I, too, experience from time to time, especially when it comes to my sexuality and certain viewpoints that, while not too divergent from the general black populace, tends to clash often with other gay black men, or black people in general. None of that has to do with an apologetic lens for lusting after white men, but rather a dire wish for my people to do better in certain areas. While McKindra explains explicitly his reasoning behind his desire (which I’m not going to go into detail here, because the reader should read the article for themselves), I feel that by the end of the article that even he doesn’t buy his own self-justification for his sexual cravings.

And that’s perfectly okay.

In the end, I compare McKindra’s story to me trying to explain why I loved things like Sweet Valley High, RuPaul’s Drag Race, or picking the female character in video games (to be honest, they had THE BEST weapons to fight with, so that was an easy one that not even the straightest guy could argue with) before I came out the closet to people who helped shape my world. I was coming up with every excuse under the sun, other than the one that mattered most: I was gay, but most importantly, why did they care?

I know. That last statement might open the doors for people to ask why did I care enough about McKindra’s Buzzfeed article to write a “reader’s response” to it. Well, outside of the fact that it’s my blog and it’s within my right to do so, I want to add another stipulation to my stance on interracial dating: if someone boastfully declares the pros and cons of dating a white man over a black man (which McKindra mentions in his piece) and vice versa, I tend to challenge them, giving the person what they want: a debate/rebuttal. No one has to know your business, but if you present it for conversation, then expect a mildly adverse reaction. In other words, someone will see through the bullshit and call you out on it.