AHS Logo

As of this writing, it is April 28th, 2016. We have suffered the devastating loss of the Artist Forever Known as Prince. We have learned that Harriet Tubman will grace the front of the $20 dollar bill sometime after 2020. We know Beyonce has dropped her album, her tea, but not Jay-Z after a possible cheating scandal, yet still scalped the heads of the masses like Jesus Christ returning for the Rapture. We have knowledge that half of our favorite primetime dramas are returning this fall, the newest meme trends that will dominate this summer, and we are confident that despite a nice try from Warner Bros. with Batman v. Superman, Marvel Studios is still the undisputed champion of the comic book movie genre.

What we DON’T know is the theme for American Horror Story Season Six. And that, readers, is a goddamn tragedy.

Again, it is 2:26PM, Thursday, April 28, 2016 and we still have no clue whatsoever what Ryan Murphy, Brad Falchuk, Lady Gaga, Evan Peters, Sarah Paulsen, etc have up their sleeves for the next season of FX’s unapologetically addictive horror anthology. We have “clues.” We have “rumors.” We have those somewhat blatantly fake (but not to basic fans) posters floating around with the subtitles “Camp,” “Boarding School,” and “Cruise.” But what we don’t have is CONFIRMATION, something we, as fans, should have had by now. Yes, there have been longer wait periods in the past, with Asylum possibly ranking as THE longest. But even then we still had some concrete information of that particular season taking place in a haunted institution and it would be set in the past. Clues from the latter episodes (barring Freak Show, where clues for Hotel were sprinkled throughout the entire season) helped fans narrow down the theme for the next season and while there might have been several in Hotel, the weren’t as glaring as earlier years nor discussed in length this year. If they were, then I missed out on that conversation entirely, which is not impossible. But I digress. We’re going into May with no idea what Ryan and Brad is conjuring and that is nerve-wracking to the core of my soul.

So what’s the hold up? Are Ryan and Brad finally working on giving us TWO iterations of American Horror Story this year? Are they stuck on picking one of said two ideas and trying to figure out if they could (or rather should) merge both into one cohesive narrative? Do they need help in the writer’s room? A colleague and I are available for retainer if needed…

Ryan and Brad

All in all, we’re six months away from the premiere of American Horror Story’s sixth season and while that is an ample amount of time for Ryan and Brad to write, cast, change their minds, and rewrite, I just want one morsel of confirmation on what’s to come so I can prepare accordingly. Akin to the BeyHive members who made passive aggressive videos and memes borderline taunting Beyoncé to drop her album, I’m hoping this post will ‘encourage’ Ryan and Brad to give the AHS stans something to chew over until this summer’s onslaught of teasers/promos gives us much more life than we deserve. It will make up for the lack of info from PaleyFest this year, which I and several other fans are still reeling from.

But knowing the Murphy/Falchuk dynamic, they are probably working on a reveal/press release/announcement video as I type this and by the time this post publishes it will already be too late and irrelevant. And that would be perfectly fine, because at this stage of the game, I just want something. ANYthing. But until I am hit with news that will leave me convulsing in the middle of my work place for three hours straight (I work at a library and they’ve already been forewarned to not interrupt my AHS related freak outs), I will continue to hit the refresh button on Deadline, Entertainment Weeky, Variety, and TVLine’s respective and reputable websites.


(Editor’s Note: This post was exactly 666 words long and by it being about American Horror Story, I had to add one word to offset the juju. You can tell your thoughts if you want… Or not.)