New Orleans Establishment Plaque 2

(Author’s Note: I intended to write this post while driving back from Louisiana or at least the night afterwards. But since Hell was waiting for me disrespectfully with a non-lubed, red-hot shaft to sling up my ass when I got back home, I never got around to it until now. Hope you enjoy.)

My First Trip to New Orleans/Mardi Gras By the Numbers (in no particular order):

Number of Times I Practically Said Are We There Yet? – 15 (albeit they were well disguised)

Number of Times Wasted – 2 1/2 (I know. Kinda Disappointing)

Number of Times I was Nearly Killed By Haphazardly Flying Mardi Gras Beads – 40

Number of Times I Nearly Busted My Ass From Slipping on Mardi Grad Beads – 60 (Bourbon Street was a death trap with those damn things).

Number of Authentic New Orleans Restaurants Visited – 4 (Deanie’s Seafood was hands down the best of the four).

Number of Breasts Seen – About 15. Not all perky.

Number of Times I Got Lost Within The Bourbon Street Crowd – 1 (See #2)

Phone Numbers Exchanged – 2

Deanie's Seafood

Times I Was Hit On By Random Strangers – 4 (one completely friendly)

Number of Celebrities I Saw Sober – 2 (Norman Reedus and Ian Somerhalder)

Number of Celebrities I Saw Wasted – ????????

How Many Times I Wanted To Relocate to New Orleans – ???????????

Beads Caught and Collected – 100+ (Don’t ask me to count all those damn beads.)

Number of Toddlers/Small Kids Left in the Paths of Numerous Smoking Drunkards – 60 (At least)

Number of Times We Were Nearly Ran Over By Sober Skateboarders – 1 (And that was one too many)

Number of People I Saw Passed Out Drunk on Bourbon Street – 5 (Including myself over a convenience store counter)

Number of Brownsvillians I Saw in New Orleans – 3 (Again, that was way too many)

Accuracy the Psychic I Visited Was About My Life – 100% (I’m still freaked out about that)

Number of Drag Queens I Saw – 1 (And she looked like the bottom of a horse’s hoof)

Bourbon Street Mardi Gras 2014

Number of Vampires/Witches Seen: 0 (This made me a sad panda)

Number of Songs That Landed On My “They Play This Too Damn Much” List – 5 (With Five Honorable Mentions, Will Post Soon)

Amount of Writing I Got Done While There – 1 piece

Many Times We Screamed “Do It For The Vine!” – 10 (At least)

^^^Many Times We Were Asked To Stop – 1 (Disrespectful Bitch…)

Number of Times I Was Handed A Pamphlet To Come To Jesus While Being Told I Was Going To Hell – 1

Pictures Taken of the Entire Trip – 300+

Number of Times I Thanked The Lord For Letting Me Go to New Orleans – Continuous/On Going

Story Ideas Created During the Trip – 50

Many Times We Did the Nae Nae Out of Nowhere – 1

Number of Places That Were Labeled ‘Haunted” – Several

Number of Places that We Didn’t Get To Visit – Over 50 places

When Will I Be Returning – Very, very soon… ;D

Until next time, “Nawlins!!!”

Me at Cafe DuMonde