Rainbow Me

(Author’s Note: I came out on February 15th, 2014 in a status on Facebook. Some of my friends said it was ill-advised, while others said it was the best damn thing I had ever written. I’m going to let you be the judge.)

Dear God, this is tough for me, but it has to be done…
In case most of you didn’t know (or cared), for the last week and a half I have been on a pseudo-Facebook sabbatical for reasons I don’t care to dwell into at the moment except that I needed time to reflect on a few issues I’m dealing with in my life now. One of those issues is my love life.
I’ve never believed in defining myself with labels…. I’d be lying if I said I never got caught up in boxed categories and other significant markers while maneuvering through society’s pubic labelmaking machine, which assigns stereotypes and delineates people based on their sexuality, gender, color, etc. I’ve been given such titles as ‘eccentrically straight,’ ‘blatantly gay,’ and ‘unfortunately bisexual,’ but at the end of the day, I’m just Mark.
I’m Mark O. Estes. Son of Mark and Regina. Brother of Darrion and Trenica. Uncle to Kayla, Jamie, and Star. I’m also a loyal best friend, a hard-working individual, and a bright intellectual who loves pop culture, the simple joys of a night of solitude, and a passionate writer with his aim set firmly for the stars.
I’m also deeply in love with another man. And the stigmatizing fear that has beset me most of my life regarding taking risks when the time was right (among other fears) has ruined not only a chance at being happy with that man, but it has crippled any thing else that could be on the table in the future with that man as well.
In the end, however, I’m still me. I love me. I just want those who I love and who claim to love me to follow suit. I’m not my sexuality. I’m not my “race.” I’m Mark. Mark O. Estes. Mark Octavious Estes. M.O.E. or M.E.
But since we live nowhere near a perfect world, I know there will be sickened disagreements and sighs of disapproval. And I don’t give a shit. So delete accordingly. I don’t mind. You will only generously weed out the dead weight for me and show me where you stand in my life. For all those who want to continue with me on this journey, just sit back and wait for what else I have to bring to the table. But until then…
I’m going to return you back to your regularly scheduled programs, because despite those previous seven paragraphs, nothing has really changed if you really paid close attention.
Love you all. Even the ones who will jump ship.
Oh and by the way: Don’t call, text, or pry asking me 20 questions or ask me in the streets what happened.Just call to say wassup. How are you? And what is your take on (insert your favorite show here). Anyone who does otherwise will be dealt with accordingly.

Mark O. Estes

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