The last two weeks have been a bit of a paradox for me in terms of a standpoint in my life. First, I caught a glimpse of my past through a weekend excursion with my closest friends back to the place that gave me an answer of who I was and where I could and should have been in life. That place was Knoxville, TN and those three days were the equivalent to a drop of water to a man on the brink of dying of thirst from the most driest place on Earth. It reinvigorated me, showed a light at the end of the three-year tunnel I had found myself traipsing through. Simply put, it ignited a fire under my ass and I was ready for anything.

Then “life” happened.

I lost a coworker this past Thursday and not just any coworker, but a good friend. Sherry Lynn Huff Glidewell was a beacon and a champion for everything I’ve accomplished in the three years of knowing her. We were University of Tennessee kindred and we had a shared love of the printed word. While I was less of a people person than she was, Sherry still made me want to achieve her level of tolerance. Her death came unexpected and I had no clue on how much my life was going to change because of it. I’ve had a plenty of people close to me pass away, but never has any of those earlier deaths, including the game changers of my Aunt Earline, Cousin Jacob and only set of Grandparents I ever got to meet, affected my life goals as much as Ms. Sherry’s did. Or rather the aftermath of her death was a metal rod thrown in the middle of my path to make me stumble, and stumble hard.

I’m not going to get deep into the specifics of how metal rod represented the new obstacle in my way, because I have too many people who might reading this, wanting to know what’s ‘wrong’ with me, yet can’t 1) grasp the fact that they have no clue about how to go by ‘helping’ me and 2) understand that they really don’t understand me enough to… understand where my mind is at the moment. Space is the only thing I can use now, but that seems like a hard task for everyone in my vicinity to carry out.

So yea, I wouldn’t mind being Elsewhere at the moment, but the tunnel has caved in again, creating another massive ass structure for me to tear through for me to get there. I’ve lost a fan in my corner but gained an angel to oversee the progress from a better seat than one could imagine. It’s amazing how much two weeks, as well as two days, can rip the tapestry of all you’ve come to know sending you reeling in reaction to the damage caused.

I’m sure I will make my way through this, but now it is just too much for me to consume at once. With that said, I’ve digested some really fucked up stuff in my past and this is just another dose of the same brand of medicine, but I can’t help but fear what’s on the other side of the latest obstacle before me. Now, in some respects, that is more messed up than the newfound crap that’s landed on my lap this past week. I know. I’m a sad person, but hell, I’m also human. So, sue me.

Chest clered. Mind rested. Moving on…